tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30965332011-06-21T22:30:56.573-04:00twinkle twinkle blah blah blah etc.<i>Dilettante. Solipsist. Nihilist.</i>Dananoreply@blogger.comBlogger7391100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1064195432377109582003-09-21T21:46:00.000-04:002003-09-21T21:50:32.600-04:00Theater is the life of you OK, so I was gonna wait till tomorrow to spring my surprise on all yous. But here it is: I've got myself a whole new place. It'll be fun. You should come over. But like don't wake my moms and shit, she's got the early shift at the factory. It's here. Learn it. Love it. Change your bookmarks. And thank you dong for all your help. If it weren't for him I'd still be Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063999821984186812003-09-19T15:30:00.000-04:002003-09-19T15:30:21.686-04:00Sparkwood & 21: (In The) Back by Popular DemandThat's my girl Ha!(In The) Back by Popular Demand.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063986059635209662003-09-19T12:04:00.000-04:002003-09-19T12:39:01.180-04:00Lake....big lake I have been in a cab three times this week and that is exactly three fuckin' times too many for this editrix (who, though meagerly compensated, is still overpaid for the halfassed shite work she does). Two of these occasions were the result of feeling wino rich and too lazy to shlep up to the subway. All they do is render me sadder about my poor little car. Last night I ended Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063892020887768792003-09-18T10:09:00.000-04:002003-09-18T12:36:35.180-04:00The cashier wore Prada There's this one nearby deli that has a halfway-decent saladbar (ie, I've never seen any Rajneeshis or liquified-feces-carrying crazies there, but then again, I can't be there all the time. Oh well. History is written by the winner, after all) and sometimes if I'm too lazy to pack my own lunch (what, you thought I had Zone Diet lunches delivered to me *every day*?) I go Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-106381526843408862003-09-17T13:06:00.000-04:002003-09-17T13:06:21.776-04:00Mike and Donnie against the world As a belated b-day gift a friend of mine burned me a CD copy of what he calls the Hoser Biker tape. If you'd like to believe the provenance he relayed to me, a friend of his up in Toronto found the tape inside a car stereo that he bought at a police auction. It's 45 minutes of phone conversations between a rather terse police hostage negotiatior and a Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063811270296661872003-09-17T11:05:00.000-04:002003-09-17T11:07:50.366-04:00I think my neck is rather sexy, thank you Over at World New York, the problem with Friendster.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063750261300382752003-09-16T18:11:00.000-04:002003-09-16T18:11:01.450-04:00Sadly, it was not David Berman Also over at Brittney's place, Crazy Poem Guy:I go back to cleaning when he asks for pen and a napkin--he is a writer--and that he is going to write a poem. I mention that I am also a writer and he tells me that he is currently working on a book of poetry to be published in February. To coincide with Valentine's Day. I ask if maybe I would have read any of his workDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063747883516035732003-09-16T17:31:00.000-04:002003-09-16T17:31:23.450-04:00Chortle. If I ever did get a bun in my oven before it manages to nuke my ovaries I would get it a t-shirt with “My mummy says you can slap my legs if I am a brat”.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063743952187641992003-09-16T16:25:00.000-04:002003-09-16T16:25:52.013-04:00Welcome to the cheap seats Har. Funny Things I Have Said To "Famous Bloggers" That The "Famous Bloggers" Did Not Find Funny At All: Me: Jason, don't be coy. Are you paying people? Is that it? Do you pay people for links? Because I'd totally accept money from you. Jason: No. Me: Because when you look at the site... what is it? Where's the 'there' there? Sure, you update it frequently and shit, Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063724406514258632003-09-16T11:00:00.000-04:002003-09-16T11:00:06.810-04:00Makes me wistful for those days as a child prostitute... Go read all about the rejected Vegas tourism slogans over at TMF,TML. Not included on this list: Las Vegas: We Guarantee That You'll Be Better Looking than 98% of the People Around You. and Las Vegas: Stretchpants Country--Come to Where the Flavor Is.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063720258095014962003-09-16T09:50:00.000-04:002003-09-16T09:52:18.030-04:00I'm so bad I kick my own ass twice a day I highly recommend that you go see How to Kick People, featuring the genius literary-comedic stylings of Todd Levin and Bob Powers, who are both so disgustingly talented I can't even deal. It's tomorrow night at KGB. Really, you don't want to miss this, and I'm not just saying that because one (or both) of these guys might be my babydaddy. Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063638232609311072003-09-15T10:46:00.000-04:002003-09-15T11:03:52.656-04:00Can you handle this? Confidential to the suave and debonair construction worker catcalling me whilst standing atop a dumpster on Mercer and Waverly this morning: Oooh, yeah. You look so freakin' sexy standing on top of all that garbage. Man, how did you know that was my fantasy? Yeah, papi. I want you to fuck me in that garbage. I want you to rub my face in coffee grounds and pizza crusts whileDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063631952449055712003-09-15T09:19:00.000-04:002003-09-15T09:19:12.473-04:00Gdzie Twoje Pierogi?Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063388673268985582003-09-12T13:36:00.000-04:002003-09-12T13:44:33.160-04:00My hootchie-cootchie man Ah, nice visit to the gyno. I like to call him the Shoe Shine Boy (it's the stirrups). Sometimes, though, when I go to see him, he's not in, so his brother works in his place. "Hi, I'm here to see Dr. B?" "Great, have a seat. But he's not in today, so you'll have to see his brother." [beat] "OK. Is he a doctor too?" That joke just never gets old. Seriously. Dr. B2 Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063375039247054212003-09-12T09:57:00.000-04:002003-09-12T11:15:59.686-04:00Waving our hands in the air Welcome back, tremble! We missed you. Other people might speculate on the coincidence of your relaunch with the deaths of Johnny Cash and John Ritter, but not me; I'll just sit here quietly and giggle nervously.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063372800792504972003-09-12T08:54:00.000-04:002003-09-12T09:21:19.176-04:00Born under a bad sign That's the only possible way I can interpret this slew of bad things happening, right? 'Cos it's all about me. I mean, Jesus may have been castigated for our personal sins, but that was his fuckin' choice. I try not to take the deaths of my idols too personally, but man. Johnny Cash. Fuck. I literally said "Fuck" this morning when I heard. I had just come in from running Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063302158846841622003-09-11T13:42:00.000-04:002003-09-11T13:42:38.730-04:00But nobody cared, 'cos it's just the Indians Indians' Prospect Had Gay Porn 'Mistake'Tadano admits that while he was a college student in Japan, he appeared in a gay porno and performed homosexual acts in the film. That would qualify you as a gay porn actor. If you are making movies committing homosexual acts, I’m guessing you’ve met all the requirements.(via Get Swank.)Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063301541697379372003-09-11T13:32:00.000-04:002003-09-11T13:32:21.633-04:00What if Christ died in a hallway? Choire muses on the inevitable: "And what will we do to September 11th in a hundred years? Will New Yorkers' put little aluminum twin towers in their living rooms, with little presents underneath? An empty table setting at the picnic table, like Elijah's? Will it be an official bank-closing holiday? Will the federal government take it for their National Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063300700460134072003-09-11T13:18:00.000-04:002003-09-11T13:18:20.460-04:00C'mon, just show your love I'm glad to see that someone is finally takin' care of business. Confidential to d_r: The less time I have to spend scrolling horizontally to read your brilliance, the more time I can spend taking upskirt shots. Capisce?Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063288014968926722003-09-11T09:36:00.000-04:002003-09-11T09:47:37.680-04:00We care a lot, redux What is the protocol for observing the second anniversary of 9/11, exactly? Last year I was totally filled with dread. This year I feel rather ambivalent. So I'll just link to what I said last year, which was back when I wasn't taking 20 mgs of Botox for the psyche and hence able to articulate and feel the whole spectrum of that emotions thing you people feel. I've been Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063213093495516952003-09-10T12:58:00.000-04:002003-09-10T13:06:50.430-04:00My girl Everyone go over to Sparkwood & 21 and welcome Brittney to her new digs. Try and not leave skidmarks on the white sofa, okay?Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063200964453547972003-09-10T09:36:00.000-04:002003-09-10T10:01:40.300-04:00Either stand tall or sit the fuck down Being the pincha macha that I am in this office full of mincing pantywaists of both genders, I am often called on to dispatch cockroaches, bees, and the occasional dead mouse. This morning I was in the bathroom with a coworker. Me sits in stall 1. Coworker walks into stall 2. Coworker: Oh god. Me: What? Coworker: There's something on the seat. Me: So? WipeDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063127829417532062003-09-09T13:17:00.000-04:002003-09-09T13:17:09.583-04:00How sensual big ladies are Adam Ant wants to Save the Gorillas, why don't you? (stolen from TMF,TML, but presented with 50% less snark.)Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063126797787725082003-09-09T12:59:00.000-04:002003-09-09T12:59:57.770-04:00Not that there's anything wrong with that What do you do when your toddler favors the pink Powerpuff accessories and showtunes? You take pictures of him in pink maribou slippers, that's what.* *Don't worry, Mrs. Kennedy. My mom thought that my dad made me gay by combing my hair like Bowser from Sha Na Na and letting me watch The White Shadow, and she was wrong, wrong, wrong about that!Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063124968984322672003-09-09T12:29:00.000-04:002003-09-09T12:29:29.036-04:00Comin' straight from the underground Hey, how about this article in the Post yesterday:Nearly 5 percent of new cops are reading at a seventh-grade level or below - a shocking new discovery that has prompted the NYPD to boost its reading requirements on its entrance exam, The Post has learned.Here's my best look of surprise. Know where I read this article? It was taped to the front desk at the Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063117138913157362003-09-09T10:18:00.000-04:002003-09-09T10:18:58.940-04:00We care a lot OK, sometimes I like to pretend that I give a shit about other people and what they do. To that end, I entreat you to go see Tony, who's playing tonight in NYC! Last time I saw him he promised to do a Britney Spears cover and said he would let me duet with him on his always-rousing cover of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Anyhow, this man is an incredible songwriter, and oddly Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063115911463645842003-09-09T09:58:00.000-04:002003-09-09T09:58:31.316-04:00If living right is easy Sometimes, when life is looking pretty dark, and you start to realize that you were born alone and will eventually die alone, a small glimmer of hope, suggesting the existence of perhaps a higher power, arrives in the form of an email from eBay that says Congratulations, cowboy_sally! You are the winning bidder on No Skin Off My Ass!Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063058217908064872003-09-08T17:56:00.000-04:002003-09-08T17:56:57.946-04:00Pants first, THEN shoes Subject line from J. Crew spam: "How to Wear Our Cargo Chinos" Thus, they have come right out and said it: We market exclusively to retards.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063030440258477092003-09-08T10:14:00.000-04:002003-09-08T10:14:00.320-04:00Hurt gets worse, heart gets harder Ah, fuck: Warren Zevon, Singer-Songwriter, Dies at 56.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1063028589089125322003-09-08T09:43:00.000-04:002003-09-08T10:08:51.660-04:00Sick, sober and sorry Alright, I have very little that is good or interesting to report. Actually, that's not true. High points from my weekend: Ate at Chikalicious on Friday night (and whoa nellie, don't ever type in that web address with a "ck" in the name) with some good friends. I decided I wasn't even gonna bother fucking around with real food on my birthday-eve, just sugars in the form ofDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062770329746200782003-09-05T09:58:00.000-04:002003-09-07T09:31:44.123-04:00Like Job contemplating boil salve Where is fucking Ronnie Spector* when you need her, is what I'd like to know. I need someone soulfully crooning behind me as I scream What have I...what have I...what have I done to deserve this? Long story short: My car, without me in it, I hasten to add, got into some trouble last night. As such, it is rather smashed up. I guess someone filed a police reportDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062698439681157412003-09-04T14:00:00.000-04:002003-09-04T14:04:47.773-04:00Born too late In the Voice this week, Stunning News for Parents:"It is recommended that one to five moderate impacts should produce a safe and adequately effective stinging sensation. Do not exceed the recommended amount until you are sure of individual results. Depending on the individual, more or less may be required."Wow, this would've gone perfectly with my Strawberry Shortcake Titclamps andDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062689434453693972003-09-04T11:30:00.000-04:002003-09-04T11:31:00.850-04:00Dodgy, eh? If Maccers weren't tripping the life fantastic in Italy right now I'd suspect she was behind this post.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062687647171575522003-09-04T11:00:00.000-04:002003-09-04T11:00:47.150-04:00I come from a small planet called Bitch Please Estrada Withdraws as Bush Judicial Nominee:Miguel Estrada, tired of waiting for more than two years for U.S. Senate confirmation, has decided to withdraw his nomination to a federal appeals court, sources close to the Washington attorney said on Thursday.I have nothing to say about this that isn't petty and nasty, so I'll just say something along Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062681532851202032003-09-04T09:18:00.000-04:002003-09-04T10:00:04.540-04:00And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones Hey, this morning I went temporarily insane and bought a mixed veggies juice with flax seed oil. I can hear my mother now: Are you constipated? Do you have to go? Is this the onset of a midlife crisis? Who says I'm gonna make it to 56 anyhow? Me at 18: Worried about possible coke addiction. Me at 28: Worried about possible Dentyne Ice Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062610229647190012003-09-03T13:30:00.000-04:002003-09-03T13:30:53.593-04:00I ::heart:: Maud Like Maud, I too am driven into the pits of despair by this sudden weather change. But nothing perks me up faster than reading about families more fucked up than your own:As usual we were all arguing about the Mississippi flag and Jeff Davis Boulevard, which we always pass on the way to their house, before we even pulled into the driveway. I tried to change the subject. Seeing Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062609938444031292003-09-03T13:25:00.000-04:002003-09-03T13:26:06.660-04:00Show them all the beauty they possess inside It's bad enough when the students don't want to learn, but when they can't even spell dirty words correctly, can a teacher really expect them to grasp Stephen Sondheim?:My true paranoia wasn't launched until the day I asked my students for adverbs. 'Jewishly!' said Jack's girlfriend Beth. 'Jewishly,' I repeated slowly, pondering its meaning. 'Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062606014043625062003-09-03T12:20:00.000-04:002003-09-03T12:20:14.100-04:00My crazy coworker has two different shoes on. That is all.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062596485663278922003-09-03T09:41:00.000-04:002003-09-03T09:41:25.606-04:00Cool blog all about eating in NYC, 'cos really, it's all about us, isn't it: NYC EATS. (via The Morning News.)Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062520641516794472003-09-02T12:37:00.000-04:002003-09-02T12:37:21.563-04:00Sell decorum somewheres else Unlike the kind people at TMF,TML, I *do* have things to say with regard to the personified Large Sucking Noise that is Sofia Coppola (and, while we're at it, let's include Zoe Cassavetes, 'cos they're essentially the same twat in different Cossabella thongs). I just choose not to.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062510495045511732003-09-02T09:48:00.000-04:002003-09-02T09:48:15.083-04:00Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain I think that we might be experiencing a lull here today. I'm in the process of writing a post that I hope to eventually throw up here but I'd like it not to come across as glib or twee or other nice Scrabble words so I'm pruning it offline. It may not go up for awhile, to be honest. In other news, I am wearing white shoes the day after Labor Day Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062261941118905782003-08-30T12:45:00.000-04:002003-08-30T12:45:41.060-04:00Look, Coldplay is not good. Coldplay is Radiohead for stupid people. If you got all upset after buying Kid A, your next move was to notice Coldplay on VH1 and feel better about yourself.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062186798753693822003-08-29T15:53:00.000-04:002003-08-29T15:53:18.786-04:00Oh, for the love of christ: Fuller Hires Jared Paul Stern for the 'Star'. 300K. 300k! ... 300 K?!?Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062183495274196332003-08-29T14:58:00.000-04:002003-08-29T14:59:56.606-04:00Roll out the barrel I just wanted to extend a warm welcome to one of NYC's newest residents, Wyley Gates. Heck, he's one of the only kids from my high school to make it to the big city. Amazing he did, seeing as he killed his whole family first. I mean, one of my best friends still works at the True Value on Route 66 and all she did was break curfew a few times. Yeah, maybe you've heard of him.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062172430548087532003-08-29T11:53:00.000-04:002003-08-29T11:54:42.426-04:00File under "Wants me as a member, Any club that" OK, so my friend L who just moved to LA left behind a small present which she bequeathed to her boyfriend but instructed he share with me and K: A little card that offers entree to A60, the chi-chi lala Members Only frou-fraw rooftop bar at 60 Thompson. Now, I'd like to say that I was thoroughly unimpressed by this nonsense. I mean, really, why Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062164443027486972003-08-29T09:40:00.000-04:002003-08-29T09:43:49.033-04:00Ain't no sunshine when she's gone What gives with the gloomy morning? The day was bright and sunny and full of promise when I was getting my fix running at 7. Ah well. My usual route is down past the corners where the scary day laborers wait, past the auto chop shops where the scary guard dogs wait, down around McCarren Pool where *God knows what* waits, around the outside of the track, down Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062089897938306972003-08-28T12:58:00.000-04:002003-08-28T12:58:17.803-04:00Really interesting article in the NY Press by Paul Krassner, who is perhaps best known as America's Foremost Prankster, Satirist, Activist, and General Nose Tweaker:After the interview was published, I received phone calls from scared female voices—from teenagers to matrons. They were all in desperate search of a safe abortionist. Even a nurse couldn’t find one. It was preposterous that they Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062080750020226802003-08-28T10:25:00.000-04:002003-08-28T10:25:50.023-04:00The girls I mean are not refined Holy walking fuck, how psyched am I about the new happy ending reading series, particularly its inaugural event with Amanda Stern, AM Homes and Mary Gaitskill? Thanks to Maud for the tip. Wow, this almost drags me out of my nascent-birthday-caused depression. This morning I thought to myself, Wow, almost 28. Still unpublished. Still unambitious. Frightened to Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062019700418340502003-08-27T17:28:00.000-04:002003-08-27T17:28:20.593-04:00My kingdom for a rifle with a scope There is a band outside warming up for some sort of orientation performance. They have done "I Shot the Sherriff" five times already. This is like Huis Clos, only with a horn section.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1062000271246019542003-08-27T12:04:00.000-04:002003-08-27T12:40:29.743-04:00[Insert stupid "bear" pun here] Me, on phone with coworker in next office: OK, so how excited are we about Big Apple Bear Fest 2003? Him: Omigod. Very. ::clicks:: Check out the third guy down, on the left. Red cap. Me: Goodly lord, that's a lot of hair. I think those nipples are rouged. Him: Or very abraided. Me: Good point. Hey, I want a t-shirt! Him: I'd pick one up for you, but I bet Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061995774606786412003-08-27T10:49:00.000-04:002003-08-27T10:49:34.533-04:00An interesting Op-Ed piece on the death of John Geoghan, which addresses a larger issue:...Perhaps this last episode in a life so full of betrayal can serve as a reminder of a larger problem. The system that could not protect such a high-profile inmate is also failing tens of thousands of others, many of them destined to return to society eventually, taking with them the scars of their prison Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061990915316998822003-08-27T09:28:00.000-04:002003-08-27T10:06:40.170-04:00Every which way Earlier I said that I wasn't going to start eulogizing Bill just yet but I was talking with my friend G last night and I remembered a quintessential Bill story that I thought I'd share for old times' sake. Bill and my father both (thankfully) lost their jobs in advertising at the same time so they started working at an ice cream parlor (with George Dzundza, which is neither hereDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061923255499056142003-08-26T14:40:00.000-04:002003-08-26T21:54:56.706-04:00For your testicles only the best For the boys: sacfree®. (Oh, btw, not safe for work, you pussies.)Oh, and I neglected to mention: via Get Swank, catering to all your one-handed needs.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061912470489626932003-08-26T11:41:00.000-04:002003-08-26T11:41:37.880-04:00Life on the corners and death all around Trying to be all festive for this weekend's big Death Countdown. Trying to stock up, but there aren't enough juniper bushes or quinine factories in North America to accomodate our guests' drinking needs. Entire Third-World countries may be wiped out by scurvy from the sheer quantity of limes we will require. I just hope that when they get here Bill will Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061904783178353532003-08-26T09:33:00.000-04:002003-08-26T09:34:50.930-04:00Can you dig it? Before I forget: The LIVE ONES will be playing tonight at I.V. South in Williamsburg. Theexact address is 270 South 5th street between Havemeyer and Marcy (1 block from the J. M. Z. Marcy Ave stop). They go on at 11. You should check them out, and buy me a drink, too, since it's officially 11 days until my birthday and this year I'm feeling especially needy. And before you ask, Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061838264934768762003-08-25T15:04:00.000-04:002003-08-25T15:04:24.893-04:00I don't pop my cork for every guy I see Ah, so now it's Tony throwing down the gauntlet for karaoke tonight. Well, we'll have to see about that, now won't we? Actually, this diva's feeling a bit reclusive tonight, and a tad lethargic. So unless I can find someone to Stevie Nicks my ass with some blow, I can't say I'll be there.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061835880238942012003-08-25T14:24:00.000-04:002003-08-25T14:24:40.213-04:00YAAAAAAY! Maud Newton is back!Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061826636935582812003-08-25T11:50:00.000-04:002003-08-25T11:51:02.426-04:00Proactivating and swashbuckling Over at The Morning News, how to defenestrate your résumé!:Nothing shows you know your stuff like an incomprehensible string of buzz words and jargon, so be sure to include lots in your job descriptions. Better yet, pepper your résumé with acronyms – this demonstrates that you’re the kind of active, multi-tasking go-getter that doesn’t have time for whole words: "Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061825407869352652003-08-25T11:30:00.000-04:002003-08-25T11:30:07.873-04:00::Heart-wrenching sobs:: No, I am *NOT* interested in attending a pizza party in honor of my favorite work-stud(y) boy, who is leaving me after two years. Unless "pizza party" is code for something. Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061822858885432162003-08-25T10:47:00.000-04:002003-08-25T10:47:38.826-04:00Charlie Sheen: Pays by checks, well hung In Defense of Prostitution, by Heidi Fleiss.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061820458106698222003-08-25T10:07:00.000-04:002003-08-25T10:07:38.176-04:00Whoa.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061818313840951242003-08-25T09:31:00.000-04:002003-08-25T09:42:01.173-04:00Walking on Hell's roof looking at the flowers I am an asshole. I forgot all about the Squirrels from Hell gig on Saturday night. There were rumors that this show was potentially their last for awhile, and I missed it. And you missed it. Like you can't fuckin' find out where they're playing yourself, shitbird. So we're all assholes. Also, I forgot that The Warriors was playing at midnight that Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061587269349137542003-08-22T17:21:00.000-04:002003-08-22T17:21:09.393-04:00Yom Kippur is NOT a reason to party.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061583846944987332003-08-22T16:24:00.000-04:002003-08-22T16:24:06.980-04:00Oh, and The liminal liberal has agreed to be seen in public with me, at Pianos of all places, and is taking me to see Afro Punk. YAY!Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061578567645611262003-08-22T14:56:00.000-04:002003-08-22T14:56:07.510-04:00Rock over London Sad: Wesley Willis dead at 40 from leukemia.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061578117781591832003-08-22T14:48:00.000-04:002003-08-22T14:48:37.660-04:00Hell knows what happens now So the Soundtracks Live! performance last night was most excellent. It was a star-studded event. I mean, Sarah Vowell was in the audience. It doesn't get much cooler than that,* am I right? Jimmy Fallon, America's Most Talented Comic, sang If You Leave. The girls went wild. And afterward I got a picture with Fred Armisen, which I am not about to post here or Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061560531830409402003-08-22T09:55:00.000-04:002003-08-22T09:55:31.706-04:00Still that Gucci dressin', still that cootchie pressin' We at TTBBBE are sad that they at TMF,TML are going on vacation for a week. But they did leave us with this delicious lagniappe from stereolabrat::Because I'm freakishly, insanely, maniacally anal about my floors. Every single time a person walks into my apartment wearing shoes a little part of me dies and gets replaced by hellish fury....Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061501881486013812003-08-21T17:38:00.000-04:002003-08-22T09:20:15.660-04:00Your music is gay Well, I'm two-thirds through my pay period which historically means that I have to be frugal with my purchases until the first of the month. Then I can purchase such luxury items as exorbitant rent in a shitbox apartment. But I went a bit crazy at Other Music which I justified by telling myself that at least I was buying used. Well, pretty much used. I got the factory-direct Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061475575811820192003-08-21T10:19:00.000-04:002003-08-21T10:19:35.843-04:00My guitar wants to kill the Hilton sisters This free Slack-n-Steel show sounds supercool but unfortunately I have other plans; I need to fete a friend's new job and, subsequently, her move to LA. How can I possibly pretend to be happy about this?Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061472569229958192003-08-21T09:29:00.000-04:002003-08-21T09:29:29.303-04:00Hating all the faking Tonight I am going to the UCB Theater's Soundtracks Live! performance of Pretty in Pink. Am very excited to see my boyfriend Fred Armisen. This will undoubtedly be a nice distraction. I spent last night making phone calls from the bar. Bill is still in the hospital, not yet in a hospice, and his girlfriend and I have been playing phone tag. I've been calling old friends Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061385794791717942003-08-20T09:23:00.000-04:002003-08-20T09:24:04.836-04:00Bitin' MCs OK, a friend of mine sent me the link to Quigley The Movie, which is a self-described "Family Movie and Kids Video about a Pomeranian." I can only assume he came across this link on one of his favored pet-grooming message boards. In any event, I am eternally grateful. It's more than just a movie about a Pomeranian. It's also got Gary Busey, who through the power of Christ and Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061330853499405662003-08-19T18:07:00.000-04:002003-08-19T18:07:33.576-04:00Sometimes I am convinced that I am in love with Sarah Space: "I want to hear all about your divorce and will hate your slut of an ex-wife too. Your angel of daughter had to be taken to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning and she is pregnant too. Please tell me everything. Your husband spent all your money on his new girlfriend, sure, I will hold him down while you cut him. Yes, it is Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061303276074235122003-08-19T10:27:00.000-04:002003-08-19T10:27:56.070-04:00What do you get for the man who has everything ...including terminal cancer? My friend Bill is dying. They're moving him from St. Vincent's to a hospice sometime this week. He has no money, but for some reason Catholic Charities is taking care of him, even though he's not Catholic. They paid for his treatment when he was first diagnosed about 5 years ago. It made him feel very bad about what heDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061302128872174292003-08-19T10:08:00.000-04:002003-08-19T10:56:32.066-04:00I myself am a practitioner of the Fran Lebowitz High Stress Diet Apparently Christopher Hitchens doesn't "do" diets. Well, here's my best look of surprise. (Oh, and ladies? Don't believe him when he tells you all that fat turns to dick at midnight.) (Via TMF,TML)Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061300361848506232003-08-19T09:39:00.000-04:002003-08-19T09:39:21.873-04:00La la la, the honey....la la la, the honey I think as a birthday present to myself I'm going to buy tickets for both days of Tokion Magazine's Creativity Now Conference. We will ignore the fact that it is sponsored by Nike and Tylenol, for now.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061229022374234132003-08-18T13:50:00.000-04:002003-08-18T13:50:22.300-04:00Serenity NOW! OK, so I'm not so upset that my ex, whom I invited to Friendster, now has twice as many friends on his list as I do. No, what *really* creases me is the fact that he has added to his coterie THE ONLY PERSON who has ever thrown a beer in my face (and subsequently the only person at whom I've ever shouted "Let me at that little bitch! I will make him pay!" while being carried off Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061220924264767792003-08-18T11:35:00.000-04:002003-08-18T11:35:24.253-04:00Radio blah blah Mark this day on your calendar: twinkle twinkle blah blah blah etc. has officially jumped the shark. I've put comments back in. Not because I think I've had particularly noteworthy things to say of late, it's because I'm trying to reinvigorate what I perceive as flagging interest. It was either that or the boob cam. We'll try this first. And next week, I've been promised Jm J. Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061213170704715452003-08-18T09:26:00.000-04:002003-08-18T09:26:10.750-04:00Punch in, punch out While I toil in obscurity this morning, I'd like you to go check out A Picture's Worth:In line with the idea that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’, visitors are invited to share the memories, emotions or creative stories triggered by a photograph of personal significance. It is hoped that a new photo essay will be posted on the site daily.I guarantee you'll get sucked inDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061137680822664082003-08-17T12:28:00.000-04:002003-08-17T12:34:18.206-04:00There are doubts regarding your ability I'm terribly intrigued by this new documentary, Stoked: The Rise and Fall of Gator, which is about Vision skater Marc "Gator" Anthony, who after a pretty decent proskating career and a devastating accident raped and murdered his ex-girlfriend's best friend. I remember when it all went down. Yeah, I took down my poster. But whatever, he weren't no Mario Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061135499331589122003-08-17T11:51:00.000-04:002003-08-17T11:51:39.410-04:00My money-maker is flaccid This extended weekend/vacation is killing me! I desperately need something to do, and have been made well aware that I am incapable of assigning myself tasks, like writing or cleaning my office. Fack. I have three choices of what I can do tonight: 1)Watch Sex and the City. 2)Go to the club whose name I shall not mention for I hate even the mortar with which its Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1061048903374949832003-08-16T11:48:00.000-04:002003-08-16T11:48:23.430-04:00The king of the scene Ugandan Dictator Amin Dies in Saudi Hospital"We can confirm that Mr. Idi Amin has died from complications due to multiple organ failure," said a senior source at King Faisal Specialist Hospital in the Red Sea city of Jeddah. One of Africa's bloodiest despots and a former boxing champion, Amin had lived in exile, chiefly in Saudi Arabia, since being ousted in 1979. He was Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060987895200927592003-08-15T18:51:00.000-04:002003-08-15T18:51:31.963-04:00If I can't rock a party I rock a city block Well, Crooklyn's got power. At least we do. It's rather greedy of me to be using my computer right now, I know, but everyone else on my block has their A/C on and their curling irons plugged in so I don't feel so guilty. My poor local liquor store proprietors slept in their car in front of their store last night. My local bar opened early to serve up Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060872068406316412003-08-14T10:41:00.000-04:002003-08-14T10:46:33.036-04:00For those of you who still subscribe to the patriarchal notion that you need a rock on your finger ...but who've read enough Utne Readers in your undergrad days at Vassar to feel a wee bit guilty about it, I present to you The New Diamond Age, via hereitype: "'This is very rare stone,' he says, almost to himself, in thickly accented English. 'Yellow diamonds of this color are very hard to find. Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060868922403940182003-08-14T09:48:00.000-04:002003-08-14T09:53:17.033-04:00Got so much clit she don't need no balls Oh, and if you need another reason* to worship brittney, go check out her truly awesome article about the Southern Girls Rock-n-Roll Camp in this week's Nashville Scene. *I mean, if her stunning wit and devastating ass aren't enough for yaDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060867480705902022003-08-14T09:24:00.000-04:002003-08-14T09:29:15.580-04:00Cut myself a line of ambition Back to work. Came in to find the telltale signs of desk-rifling but on the plus side the new editions of Chicago and Merriam-Webster. w00t. As such, blogging will be intermittent at best the next two days. I could direct you to some truly terrifying karaoke pictures, but in the interest of self-preservation and my burgeoning political career, I'll let the more Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060783568202983882003-08-13T10:06:00.000-04:002003-08-13T10:40:48.956-04:00Party people in the place to be OK, I wasn't gonna bring shame to my blogging counterparts by recounting Monday night's karaoke event, but I'm seeing too many stars up in here, I'm seeing the rock steady crew, the zulu nation, crazy legs... I want all the poppers and the breakers, the writers and exciters... Oh wait. That was another event entirely. Je m'excuse. So the first (of many?) BloggerDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060703045787138962003-08-12T11:44:00.000-04:002003-08-12T11:44:05.716-04:00Meet the new borg ::yawn:: Groggily recouping from the karaoke last night. The weather is here, wish you were beautiful, etc. etc. More from the analog vacation blog: It is so fucking quiet up here. All you can hear is the crickets and the stream and the occasional car. K and I wake up at 3 am every night and we are terrified. We clutch each other tight and we say, "What was that not-noise?" Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060630605090732862003-08-11T15:36:00.000-04:002003-08-11T15:38:40.413-04:00From the Department of Poor Lede Wording Choices Armless Iraqi Boy Bears No Grudges for U.S. Bombing.Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060623263041463902003-08-11T13:34:00.000-04:002003-08-11T13:34:23.020-04:00Dispatches from the front OK, I have managed to decode some of my scribblings from vacation. A few appear to be written in Esperanto. ... Alright you ingrates, I'm s'posed to be WRITING writing but instead my mind is awash with blog entries. I've reached the halfway point in my vacation. I have read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides and Black Dogs by Ian McEwan. IK have written exactly 6 pages ofDananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060616831288921972003-08-11T11:47:00.000-04:002003-08-11T11:48:06.766-04:00I am a living man when I commence to dyin' Things happen while you're away chasing butterflies and bears in the sticks. Possible signs of the apocalypse: Jim Beam warehouse burns down, via Big Green House. I have a trenchant love of Jim Beam, the first non-beer beverage I consumed with any regularity. I love it for its cheapness and its not-swill taste. I hope this won't drive the price up. Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060536855100500952003-08-10T13:34:00.000-04:002003-08-10T13:38:52.410-04:00Comin' down the mountain* Hellooooooooooo! I am back. And despite the fact that most of you secretly postulated that I would meet an early demise on vacation with the last words "Hey y'all, watch this," I return complete. So pay up. First off, I'd like to give a hearty, gushing thanks to the three graces of guest blogging, Tizzie, Mrs. Kennedy, and Brittney. They were delightful bloggers, Dananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060522027655471582003-08-10T09:27:00.000-04:002003-08-10T09:27:07.753-04:00Dear Cowboy Sally, Please come back soon. I can't think of anything else to post, and your baddest shout-out title is at risk. Times are tough. Love and kisses, Tizzietizzienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060388034719665632003-08-08T20:13:00.000-04:002003-08-08T20:35:52.846-04:00I loved "Standing in the Shadows of Motown." A really nice tribute to the background musicians who never had their names in lights, but laid down some of the best riffs in American music. There is a part of this movie just before they are talking about Marvin Gaye's "What's going on" where the musicians describe coming out of the studio one night, in 1969, and Detroit was on fire. I remember tizzienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060359264208423422003-08-08T12:14:00.000-04:002003-08-08T12:14:24.186-04:00I'm struggling with the Evil Forces of Corporate Information Services today. My guest blogging career may be horribly foreshortened as the Surf Nazis tighten their noose around my neck. Sign the "Free Tizzie" petition at Amnesty soon.tizzienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060265151203199022003-08-07T10:05:00.000-04:002003-08-07T10:09:56.130-04:00How and why I got myself into this I’ll never know. Y’all come here to read this sweet young city girl’s eclectic karaoke and striped knickers musings, and you wind up with me. Hey, I’m not going to sell myself short! My life is fascinating as hell. I mean, there’s no karaoke and there’s none of that wild teen sex like Brittney went on about. But teen sex is one of those things you can’t go tizzienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060181898630952412003-08-06T10:58:00.000-04:002003-08-07T01:10:31.860-04:00To gain entrance to Cowboy Sally's top-secret desert estate . . . . . . only a totally hard to remember password will admit you through the inflatable altar of human-sacrifice . . . . . . sure, once you get through there are some good shops on her street . . . . . . but there are also horrors to be witnessed! Do you dare to face her congregation of really cute boys with chin scars asEden Kennedy Onassisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060112256665675742003-08-05T15:37:00.000-04:002003-08-06T13:37:07.443-04:00I had this boyfriend in high school. We'll call him Beau. We were both 16 and soul mates, natch, and we consumated our eternal love with raucous, fairly frequent sex. We did it all over our parents' homes, including in their bedrooms, which, looking back now, seems kind of fucked up and incredibly unnecessary. Oh. Oh wait. Now that I think about it, Beau's parents had this big ass mirror inbrittneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1060028867644976652003-08-04T16:27:00.000-04:002003-08-04T22:52:20.176-04:00Things that are hard: - math - the wall I just stubbed my toe against - breaking-up - rock climbing - Henry Rollins - your boyfriend's dick in my mouth while you are at school* - nails - paying for water (Ever. I get pissed off water costs.) - confessing - attributing proper quotes to a set triplets I interviewed (on audio tape) who, as you'd imagine, talk all over one another and finish each brittneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1059944122000786112003-08-03T16:55:00.000-04:002003-08-03T18:14:25.573-04:00Okay. So this guest blogging thing is weird. Because at my place I just kind of verbally vomit up some stuff and try not to bore too much and hope for the best. Here it's all pressure-y. I saw Miss Sally's call for guest bloggers and without thinking went "Me! Me! Me!" and now fuck!, here I am, cat all up on my tongue. I am trying not to drive her hits into the negative numbers and, brittneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096533.post-1059848745011022092003-08-02T14:25:00.000-04:002003-08-02T15:01:40.183-04:00Psssst. I think she's gone. You know, her. The very reason you came here in the first place. The prolific, terrific, funnier-than-you Cowboy Sally, who has clearly lost her damn mind and let some hick chick with half the words, half the links and half the ha-has take over. Lucky fucking you. But you aren't nearly as lucky as Harv. [via waxy.org] Except that you are still alive and brittneynoreply@blogger.com